Yuu Yuu Hakusho: Not That Bad A Fic!
by tiakallRiikii
Summary: A strange, mysterious, and utterly inproportionate girl is regurgitated out of nowhere! What connection to the canon cast could she possibly have? Rated R because Rrated stuff is k00l


Yuu Yuu Hakusho: Not That Bad A Fic!  
Episode 42: Really Big Boom Booms! I'm more special than you!  
  
Author's note: I got this idea while looking at pictures of Yuusuke. Really. I've only seen a few (hundred) episodes, so don't hold it against me. I love Kurama especially, but Yuusuke is really hot when his hair's down. But I really hate Hiei, he's like a miniature Vegeta wannabe!! He should just get over it and go marry Keiko. Oh yeah, I like Hiei x Keiko, cause it gets both of them out of the way for my character. So, who do you think's the cutest? I like Kurama, but I wonder how he gets those dog ears? He looks like Inu Yasha. Oh well, he still looks really hot. I'm gonna marry him one day. Don't anyone try to take him from me! Oh, and I also claim Yuusuke. I'm gonna move to Utah so I can marry them both. Oh, yeah, and please R and R! That's Read and Review. I love reviews, especially flames, because they're really hot and I like hot things (like guys.) But I also love hearing great things about how good the story is. I know it's really good, even though I haven't written it yet. It's just that the new girl that Yuusuke meets is so awesome! Well, you'll see what I mean when you read the fic. So go ahead and read it, okay? Oh, and this fic is rated R...not for any particular reason, but I'm a grown up writer and R-rated stuff is cool and adult and all that. So enjoy the story, and don't forget to read and review!  
  
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Yuusuke and company were going to participate in the Dark Martial Arts Tournament or whatever it's called...you know, the one where he kicks Togoro's ass. Well, I haven't actually seen that episode, but I just assumed he won, cause that's what good guys do, you know? Anyway, so they got reinvited back. But they only had four members on their team...basically cause I kicked that old chick off. I don't like her very much.  
"You must have five members," the mysterious cloaked figure who I just threw into this story to deliver the invitation said. "Otherwise, we'll have to hurt you, and, um...stuff."   
"You and what army?" Yuusuke shot back.   
The figure paused. Well, he did have a point, Yuusuke could probably kick his ass all the way to Cleveland, Ohio and back. But not much farther, cause Cleveland's tough territory to be kicking someone's ass through. "Well, just be there." The figure turned to leave, and then tripped on a root.  
Yuusuke turned to the others. "Looks like we have no choice. So, who should we get for the fifth member?"  
"How about Kuwabara's sister? She's bitchy enough," Hiei interjected. Kuwabara didn't respond, because he was sitting there looking like a tanuki statue. Actually, I think he just didn't want to talk cause his dub voice is so grating.  
Keiko hit him over the head. "Ususai, koibito-chan."  
Hiei glared. Which was about all he ever did. "Koibito-chan o yomanaide, aho."  
Kurama sighed. "Do we have to give you two subtitles again?"  
"Iyada! I mean, no!"  
Yuusuke was about to try and get the plot back on track again, when a mysterious hidden figure suddenly appeared in the woods nearby. Yuusuke whirled, feeling her immense spirit energy, so much stronger than his. "Who are you?" he demanded.  
He was rewarded for his inquiry as the figure moved toward him swiftly and kissed him full on the lips before he could do anything. Botan, who had previously not been there before, proceeded to look incredibly shocked and jealous before returning to wherever it is canon females hang out when they're not in Mary Sue fics. Keiko might've looked surprised or even indignant, but she was too busy making hot sweet love to Hiei in the bushes.  
Yuusuke fell flat on his rear, blinking in surprise. "In response to your question, Yuusuke-chan, I am Perpetua Chrysanthemum Bladeronde," she said, flinging back her hood, which also mysteriously revealed the rest of her. She had long, flowing, blonde hair with a slight curl, which never seemed to get in the way of her fighting. She also had large...ah, endowments, that also impeded her movement in no way whatsoever. Her eyes were an exotic and enchanting purple, and other than her large endowments, she had a slim and petite figure, coupled with a perfectly white smile. "I've come to help your team and risk my life and possibly die, all for no reward, because I love you guys."  
Kurama smiled warmly, as a batch of sakura petals floated past him. "That's very kind of you, Miss Bladeronde."  
"I'm serious. Who wants to have sex first?"  
Kurama coughed and looked very awkward, but still in a rather bishounen fashion. Yuusuke, in order to avoid having to deal with anything female, pushed the backdrop, moving everyone to the next scene, the arena for the next fight.  
The announcer looked over to the group. "Will the Perpetua Team send out their first fighter?" she called cheerfully.  
Yuusuke spluttered, "Perpetua Team?!"  
"I entered us under my name," Perpetua replied merrily.  
"That does it. I am SO not sleeping with you."  
"Aww, don't be that way, Yuusuke-chan."  
"Don't call me that. Do you even understand Japanese, anyway?" Yuusuke held her at arm's length. "Speak some Japanese."  
"Kawaii! Baka!" she chirped.  
Yuusuke sighed and let her down, exasperated. "Will the fighter please come forward?" the announcer repeated.  
Hiei, who was still putting on his clothing from the last scene, moved forward, but Perpetua gracefully put out a hand. "Please, allow me. These guys aren't worth your time."  
"Awwwww," Yuusuke protested, but Perpetua had already stepped into the ring.  
Her opponent skipped in from the other end. He was a generic ugly monster and therefore probably doomed to be horribly maimed if not killed. Perpetua stood tall. "My name is Perpetua Christanthium Bladeronde, and in the name of all that is pretty and perfect, I'm going to make you sore!"  
"Rarr!" the monster said, charging her. She fell backwards, the monster on top of her. And this was definetely a male monster, because it landed in typical male-falls-on-female position: his hand was on her breast.  
Perpetua shook with rage (or maybe indigestion.) "Why...you..." (Nope, definetely rage.) She cocked back an arm, impressive considering she was still on the ground. "Indignant...Female...PUNCH!"  
A few minutes later, there was a hole through the upper rows of the stadium and a twinkle on the horizon. Perpetua brushed a hand through her hair and smiled winningly.  
"What was that? There's no way any guy could ever defend against that!" Yuusuke demanded.  
Perpetua smiled at him. "That's the point."  
Yuusuke, Hiei (with Keiko crawling up his shirt), and Kurama (with personal attendant to shower him with sakura petals regularly) continued to gape, awestruck, as Perpetua won match after match with her flawless Indignant Female Punch. Literally...at one point, a random monster's Awe came flying out of the ring, and it hurt quite a bit, as well as giving them a nice crispy touch.  
So it went up to the semifinals. Perpetua was actually getting a little bored. "Where's the next opponent? I wanna get out of here and start the lemon part of this I was promised."  
Yuusuke turned to Kurama. "You first."  
"Why me?"   
"By the time you're done, I hope to be far, far away."  
"..."  
"There will be no lemon scene for you!" a booming voice declared as yet another cloaked figure stepped onto the ring. "I will be your opponent, and this time, you will lose!"  
"Who dares challenge me?!" Perpetua demanded.  
"Your attacks won't work on me, foolish she-dog!" the figure declared as the hood was blown back by a strong wind, revealing a pale girl with straight black hair and exotic silver eyes with red flecks in them.   
Perpetua gasped in surprise. "I am Raven Nevermore le Lestat, she-dog, and I shall be the one victorious today!"  
"But why?" Perpetua demanded. "Why do you want to ruin my perfect upcoming lemon scene?"  
Raven stood alone, highlighted by a single spotlight from the upper stands. "I work for the evil bad guys. I was sent here today to destroy your team...but...I've fallen in love with Yuusuke and Kurama!"  
Perpetua gasped. Yuusuke and Kurama sweatdropped. "No! You can't have Kurama and Yuusuke! Take Kuwabara instead!"  
Kuwabara was still sitting in the last scene like a tanuki statue. "Ew!" Raven yelled. "No, I'm going to have Yuusuke and Kurama for myself! I'll take either one in bed, but both at once would be even better."  
"Don't you DARE lose!" Yuusuke yelled at Perpetua.  
"I don't plan to," Perpetua growled, her white spirit energy crackling around her in a better-animated DBZ style. Raven did the same, her black spirit energy reaching toward the upper layers. Youkai everywhere began taking cover, even those that weren't near the stadium. Fishermen also became scared for unknown reasons and took cover.  
Raven charged. So did Perpetua. There was a BAMF as their powers collided and caused a massive explosion taking out three-eighths of the audience.  
"Awww...isn't it closer to half?" Raven and Perpetua asked.  
Nope. Definetely three-eighths.  
Raven and Perpetua fell back. "So...it seems this round was a draw," Perpetua gasped, clutching a large hole in her otherwise perfect (and ample) breast.  
"So it seems," Raven said breathily, holding a hand to her own chest... "Yuusuke...Kurama...How I wish I could've had sex with you..."  
Both heads dropped back to the earth, eyes closed as they breathed their last. Yuusuke blinked, then began poking both bodies with a stick. "Are they dead yet?"  
"Yuusuke, stop that!" Keiko snapped from Hiei's lap.  
"They do seem to be dead," Hiei commented, his mouth full of Keiko's short hair.   
"Yahoo! No stupid lemon scenes for us!" Yuusuke cheered. Meanwhile, cleanup crews threw the bodies on a cart and dumped them outside the stadium.  
"And now, with her out of the way..." Yuusuke cracked his knuckles. "We can finally have some...fun."  
The remaining members of the opposing team gulped.  
Ten minutes later, Yuusuke and company filed into their plush hotel room, after thouroughly handing the collective rears of the other team to them.  
"Hi guys!" Perpetua was sitting in one of the armchairs, sipping a Snapple.   
Yuusuke did a double take. "Can't you just DIE?" he exclaimed.  
"Aww, you're so cold, Yuusuke-chan," she said, wrapping her arms around him.  
"Don't call me that. And is that Snapple spiked or something?"  
"Answer me! How are you alive? You died!" Yuusuke demanded, trying desperately to get her arms off of him.  
"Aww, c'mon, Yuusuke-chan, my spirit totem is the Phoenix. I can't die. I'm always reborn in flames. Though, I admit it makes me a bit woozy after."  
"It's raining, though," Kurama pointed out helpfully.  
"Yeah, you know what a bitch it was to find a fire anywhere near here? I had to settle on one of those scented candles." she complained.  
"When does the next match start?" Yuusuke groaned as Perpetua continued to feel him up.  
Kurama checked his wrist for a watch that didn't exist. "According to plot contrivance, in about a minute. We'd better hurry."  
"Yay! I get to fight again!" Perpetua cheered, dragging Yuusuke out of the room.  
"When does the hurting stop?" he groaned.  
Perpetua dragged Yuusuke down to the ring, Kurama trying to keep pace behind and Hiei carrying Keiko. Kuwabara, meanwhile, had wandered into the stands and was picking a fight with an old, drunk youkai.  
Perpetua proudly stepped into the ring. "My name is Perpetua Kissanthem Bladeronde, and--"  
"Not so fast!" a voice boomed out as Raven floated into the stadium, landing gracefully in the ring.  
"But how?" Perpetua gasped. "You died!"  
"So did you," Raven pointed out.  
"My spirit totem is the Phoenix, I can never die!" Perpetua cried.  
"I have sold my soul to a demon in order to fulfill my duties, my body is immortal!" Raven replied.  
The old, drunk youkai looked up from his fight with Kuwabara. "That's my girl!" he yelled gleefully.  
"Let's end this," Raven growled.  
"Ladies first," Perpetua snapped.  
Raven stopped and blinked. "But we're both ladies. Unless there's something you're not telling me...? Oh, icky!"  
"Shut up!" Perpetua formed a sword of light in her hands and leapt at Raven. The other girl blocked with a sword of black energy. Perpetua leapt back, and Raven jumped up, taking to the sky, which became laced with light and dark energy.   
Yuusuke closed an eye as he looked up. "Man, this is going to take forever."  
"I agree," Kurama said. "What should we do?"  
"We don't have time to waste on her," Yuusuke growled. "Let's just win this thing and go home."  
"Sounds like a plan to me."  
Two hours later, the auditorium had been cleared, rather disgustingly as Yuusuke and company now had another win under their belt. Said company had already long gone home, but this fact was unknown to the two combatants.  
"Dragon...SLAVE!" Perpetua shot off a large blast of nice juicy destructiveness, which grazed the auditorium, only destroying two tenths of it, but succeeded in destroying a signifigant portion of the surrounding landscape.  
"Hey! That's not fair!" Raven exclaimed. "That's not even from this anime!"  
"And your point?"  
"Oh, you wanna play that way? Helloween!" Raven held her hand out at Perpetua, and a large wave of bluish-white energy shot toward Perpetua. The latter of course dodged, but unfortunately the ground was not so lucky.  
"Okay, that's enough!"  
Perpetua and Raven paused in their mad spell-flinging as a small kid appeared in front of them. "Who are you?" Raven demanded.  
"Koenma," he replied blandly. "The guy in charge of the Spirit Realm, at least, when my dad's not around."  
"You? A little kid?" Perpetua burst out laughing.   
Koenma glared. "The reason I've come here is no laughing matter. At this rate, you two are going to destroy the world with your reckless battle. Therefore, you're under arrest for endangering the world."  
Both girls blinked. Koenma made a gesture and the two were grabbed by generic Spirit World policemen and hauled off.  
"This isn't fair! Don't we get a lawyer?"  
"I'm too pretty to go to jail!"  
Koenma sighed as he eyed from midair what remained of the ground. "Yuusuke, why does trouble always follow you around?" he sighed.  
Said person was in the middle of a bowl of ramen when he sneezed into it, spraying noodles everywhere. "You'd better be cleaning that up," his mother Atsuko grumbled, tossing the roll of paper towels at him.  
"I'm just glad that last mess is over," he muttered to himself as he wiped up the broth. "That's the worst situation I've ever faced. Man, it's so good to be girl-free..."  
Meanwhile, Kurama had found a sakura tree and was merrily angsting away under it. Kuwabara had given up on his fight with the drunk youkai and was now having a sushi-eating contest with him instead. Keiko and Hiei were occupied with being extremely out of character. And so, all was right in the world. Except the lefts.  
The end.  
"I protest!" Perpetua yelled from her cell. "This can't be the end! Don't I get a happy ending?"  
That's reserved for canon characters. Now goodbye.  
"Waaaaaaah! All I wanted was some hot guy action..."  
The end. Really. 


End file.
